Change

*** This post is a bunch of ramblings and jumps all over the place... so sorry, I just have a lot on my mind!

I feel like so much is changing.
Jaxon is getting so big and so grown up. He is still our very energetic little boy with too much personality for his little body, but he is understanding so much more, and talking so much more (even if I am the only one who can understand what he is saying haha) and although its exciting to see him becoming such a cute boy - it kills me to see my baby growing up. We talk to him a lot about the new baby coming, and so he has become obsessed with babies. All of his toys now become babies. Instead of having elephants, monkeys, dogs, he has BABY elephants, BABY monkeys, and BABY dogs haha. He also likes to be a baby himself. He will say baby and then hand me his sippy cup and climbs in my lap and I hold him like a baby and feed him his milk out of his sippy like a bottle lol. I probably shouldn't encourage this behavior, but I'm not gonna lie - I LOVE holding him like that. Before we got pregnant I didn't feel the "need" or "urge" to have a baby, we just felt like it was the right time to add to our family, but now - I NEED a baby! I guess it's the Lords way of getting me ready to actually have one. At the same time, (now this will probably make me sound like a bad person) I am sad it's not going to just be Jaxon and I anymore. I love my little man more than anything and it is hard for me to imagine not being able to give him 100% of my attention after this sweet baby comes. What if Jaxon thinks I don't love him as much or that he has done something wrong and that's why I don't spend as much time with him. The thought of that is KILLING me. I cried about it to Dan yesterday (blaming the crying on the pregnancy) - and he was trying to hold back laughter which made me mad at first, but he said Lisa, we want to have another baby - you want Jaxon to have a sibling, this is a good thing and not something to be crying about - which is completely true and I KNOW that we should be having this baby and I'm so excited, but I guess I'm just nervous for all the change.

On another note - Jaxon is no longer taking naps. This is a VERY new development in our home - I put him in his bed and he climbs out and plays with toys during nap time. I keep him in his room for "quiet time" for a little bit - but going from him taking 3 hour naps during the day to nothing is a hard adjustment for me and him - I put him to bed last night at 6:30 (an hour and a half earlier than I normally would) and he zonked out and slept until 7:30 this morning - so I'm not sure if this is going to be his new sleeping schedule or if when we get him a big boy bed (which needs to be like TODAY) he will start taking naps again. I don't really know what to do.

We FINALLY had Jaxon's 2 year check up with the doctor. He did such a great job! I couldn't believe how well behaved he was. I guess its because the last doctors appointment we went to was a NIGHTMARE so I was dreading this one and was expecting the worst and he really was great - the entire appt took an hour and a half and most of that was just waiting which Jaxon doesn't do so well, but he did great and was such a trooper when they gave him his shot and took blood - he didn't really cry at all, he just said "that hurt" and then asked for a sticker when he was done LOL. He is 37 inches tall which is 90-95% for height and he weighs 33.6 lbs which is 90-95% for weight. So he is a big kid and he is growing great! They also did a developmental check up - he is doing great for talking, understanding, problem solving, and a bunch of other areas I can't remember LOL - but he passed all that with flying colors. The saddest part of the appointment was after he got his shot and we went over to the lab for them to take his blood, I had to hold his arm out so the nurse could get the needle in and Jax looked back at me and said "I sorry mama" :( oh my goodness my heart broke! He thought he was being punished for something! The nurse said that response happens A LOT and that little kids feel like they are getting punished but when he said that to me with his little sad face, I seriously almost started balling. It took everything for me to hold it together and tell him he didn't do anything wrong and that we were just needing to make sure he was growing up nice and strong. He did fine after that but AHHHH my heart broke!

The last thing I wanted to "jot" down is about the holidays. This year it looks like we are staying in Lubbock. I am due the middle/end of January and I feel like that would be fine for me to travel for Christmas, but Dan thinks it's better to stay here. At first I was devastated at the thought of not being around our families for Christmas. But now - I am actually feeling ok about it. It will be nice to just focus on OUR little family and getting ready for our new addition. Who knows what will happen in future years with Christmas and our families, but this year it will be Dan, Jax, and I and we are going to enjoy every minute of our time together as a family of 3, because next year, there will be 4 of us! We will make our own traditions and carry on the ones our families have created with our little family.